I cannot remember my last Valentine’s Day date. The closest thing in memory is a sushi dinner with Simone and The Peach at least five years ago. It was a wintry Thursday evening, and we were seated at a sticky table, directly under a speaker playing too-loud non-Japanese pop music, a cold breeze washing through the narrow restaurant every time someone opened the door. Simone, at 6- or 7-years-old, was already wiped out from her full day of festivities at school, and The Peach and I were on edge because we were about to leave on a trip to visit my youngest sister, and neither of us was prepared for the journey. But we were determined to celebrate together.
Needless to say, it didn’t turn out to be a particularly romantic dinner date.
My friends call Valentine’s Day a “Hallmark Holiday,” and they grumble about it year after year. My male pals see it as a contrived reason to spend too much money, and my female friends see the day as rife for disappointment. They wonder aloud why we have to wait for one certain day every year to be romantic. Which misses the point, entirely.
Me? I’m wired to love Valentine’s Day. I’m thrilled by the idea of preparing a full day of surprises and romance for the woman in my life. I enjoy coming up with sweet gestures every day of the year, but I appreciate a holiday where romance is celebrated in all its (potential) wonder. It should be no surprise that I tend to write especially romantic Dating Dad stories this time of year.
My friends make both too much and not enough of Valentine’s Day. It’s less important than they want to make it, and more of an opportunity than they realize.
You don’t have to be romantically entwined to feel a sense of potential on Valentine’s Day — in fact, I’m determined to embrace my loneliness this year as an indication that something good and beautiful and real is on the way. I’ll make a wish that this is my last Valentine’s Day alone for awhile, take a moment to really feel the clenching wistfulness in my heart, draw in a deep breath, hope for a surprise, and smile my way through the day.
(Let me take this moment to assert that the religious origins of the holiday are not part of my thinking...it’s purely secular. Like Halloween. And Thanksgiving. And Arbor Day.)
I don’t have that one right woman in my life this year, but I still spent plenty of money on chocolate — little gifts to my staff, the other women in our office, and some of my female friends. The act of giving helps me feel like I’m adding some joy to the day. Everybody should be allowed to enjoy a bit of sweetness on the day of love.
Especially my geek goddess daughter.
I was speaking with Simone on the phone the other night, and she mentioned how much she was dreading “the most dramatic day of the year.” She called it “7th Grade Love Day,” and was pessimistic about receiving any of the chocolate flower valentines that were being sold at school this week and would be delivered to a few lucky kids on the holiday.
“If it’s any consolation,” I told her, “we’re going to the preview of the new 'Mammoths and Mastodons' exhibit at the museum that night.”
“That definitely helps,” Simone replied. “Dinosaurs always make things better, even when they’re not actually dinosaurs.”
Of course I surprised her with a little plushy as she woke up this morning, and I put a heart-shaped box of chocolates in her lunch. But I know her pain, and it makes me wince to think of that expectant sadness she’ll feel when her girlfriends get a flower and she doesn’t. We all know what that’s like.
(Yes, we can send out intentions to the universe, and a wish that she’ll be surprised by an admirer today, but she has a better understanding of that landscape than I do.)
I want to teach Simone that it’s possible to enjoy the holiday, even when there’s no one in the picture. But I’ll probably leave that for a February in the future.
So here’s my Valentine’s Day wish for you, sweet readers:
May you appreciate the love you have — taking stock of what is good and what is missing. May you use the day to think of ways to increase the romance in your daily life, both in the giving and receiving.
If you’re in love, may you harness the special energy of the day to make your relationship stronger and healthier.
And if you’re alone this year, may the energy of Valentine’s Day kick-start something to bring you the love that you want, crave, and deserve.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Really.
Thanks Eric. That was so beautifully said. Yes, so often we take for granted the love we have in our lives and do not bother " to think of ways to increase the romance in your daily life, both in the giving and receiving".
Posted by: Nimi Kurian | February 15, 2013 at 12:24 AM