You can always tell who the Americans are in international airports. They tend to be the loudest, least adaptable, tackiest (except for maybe the Germans and Aussies), and angriest people you'll see.
At the airport in Cancun, it was the Americans freaking out about flight delays and yelling to each other across the duty-free store. The Americans were the ones refusing to understand Mexican accents (and speaking more loudly in English when someone didn’t understand what they were saying). Only American men got on the plane in tanks, shorts, and flip-flops. Embarrassing.
The woman sitting next to me on the flight to Mexico picked her nose, talked on the phone about horse semen, yanked up her shirt to adjust her bra, and farted twice before we even started toward the runway.
Travel can be stressful and intense, emotionally-draining, exhausting. But you still get to decide how you react to the vagaries of a long trip. It’s the difference between being a stellar travel companion and a pain in the ass. How you travel says a lot about who you are as a person. And travel compatibility is a big indicator of long-term relationship potential.
The rules are few, and simple.
Relax
That lady behind the counter? The one who’s doing everything she can to get you home safely? The one you’re yelling at? It’s not her fault that a storm hit Chicago and delays at O’Hare are causing a domino effect of cancelled flights and missed connections nationwide. She had nothing to do with the storm. She had nothing to do with your plane being four hours late.
You’re frustrated. It’s understandable. But taking it out on the customer service rep isn’t going to help anyone. In fact, the less pleasant you are, the less disposed she’s going to be to work with you. Flight delays and missed connections are just part of traveling, and they’re out of your control. Getting upset over something you can’t do anything about is wasted energy. Go find a coffee, or, better, a bourbon, and take a deep breath. Stop making yourself and everyone around you miserable.
In fact, look around, and you’ll notice that you’re not the only one who’s having travel issues. Someone’s going to miss a wedding; someone else a funeral. But no matter how significant the situation may be, when the solution is out of your hands, choose grace in the way you deal with it. Your heart will thank you. So will your blood pressure.
This goes doubly so when you’re in a foreign country. An honest smile, a polite request, and a hapless shrug will get you a lot further than a red face and pissed off demeanor.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t advocate for yourself when possible. A decent sob story (told calmly), a well-placed tweet, a creative solution…but ultimately, if you can’t fix it, then settle in and calm down.
Another stressful situation is getting lost in an unfamiliar city. You don’t know where you are, nobody around you speaks your language, it’s getting dark, and you’re hungry. But a freakout is the last thing you need, if you’re going to get your bearings, get some help, and find your way. Take a deep breath, slow down, figure it out.
Plus, getting lost can turn into some of the best moments of your entire trip!
When Simone and I were in Japan over the summer, we found ourselves in the labyrinthine Shinkjuku Station—the biggest train station in the world—with a plan to visit a grand park. The station’s underground area is a maze of tunnels, stores, and restaurants, with about a million exits up to the surface streets. We randomly chose a vertiginous escalator up and out, took a quick look around to see where we’d emerged, and started walking toward the park.
Except, we figured out about 30 minutes later, we’d walked the exact opposite direction, and had not only missed the park entirely, but couldn’t read the street maps on the side of the road. Simone was annoyed with the extra walking, and I could feel my sweaty boxers sticking to my inner thighs. Not happy. Eventually, we found a coffee shop with wifi so I could pull up the map on my phone, and we realized our mistake. Simone muttered in frustration, but we straightened ourselves up, and started hoofing it the right direction.
And then Simone gasped.
“Daddy, stop!” she said, as she grabbed my arm. “I know where we are!”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Simone gestured to the giant LOVE statue around the bend of the road, then pointed to a unique building that looked like a giant pickle with bandages.
“I can’t believe it,” she breathed, before pulling her phone from her pocket, shuffling through some images, and turning it toward me.
“What am I looking at?” I asked, taking the phone from her hand.
“That’s a screen shot from The Devil is a Part-Timer,” she said. I looked more closely at the image she took from one of her favorite anime shows.
“No. Way.” We were standing in the exact same spot as the animated image. The LOVE sculpture and the building were in precisely the same places in front of us.
As we walked toward the sculpture, Simone began to recognize other landmarks from the cartoon — the "McRonald's" where the main character and his sidekick work, the competing restaurant across the street. The long stairwell down to the road, and the elevated train tracks under which the characters walk.
“I can’t believe it!” Simone said. “I never would have recognized it if we’d come from the other direction. I’m so happy we got lost!”
Be mindful of your surroundings
Being aware of your surroundings is more than a mere safety issue, though that comes into play, as well. Recognizing when you’re in a rough part of a new city, or that the sentiment of the crowd is getting ugly, or when the bar isn’t actually just a bar, is a key to safe travel.
But recognizing how people in a different country dress, act, eat, and interact can open doors to new experiences and open hearts to your presence.
When Simone and I were in Britain, Japan, and France, only the foreigners wore shorts. It was 80+ degrees outside, and the humidity was nigh unbearable. But the norm was long pants and short-sleeved shirts. So I stuck to linen. And though I was still very obviously a foreigner (and would sweat right down through my underwear), I was also someone who was treating societal norms with respect.
Before we ever visit a new country, we learn a few key phrases—how to say, “please, thank you, excuse me,” and “Where is the toilet?” to start. If we have time, we’ll learn how to order the essentials—water, a beer (for me), even the special foods of the country. You should see how peoples’ faces opened up when Simone said, “Deux pain au chocolat, s'il vous plait.”
On one of our last nights in Japan, we were eating at a sushi bar, and the people around us were in awe of Simone’s adventurous palate. We met a really cool interpreter from Hawaii, who asked Simone what she thought of Japan. Simone's answer, in Japanese, was, “I love it here.” The whole sushi bar erupted into laughs and nods of appreciation. We didn’t have to pay for another dish the rest of the night.
Being aware of your surroundings also applies to how you move through public spaces, at home and abroad. Don’t stop to have a conversation at the bottom of an escalator. Walk on the left, stand on the right (in most parts of the world – on the moving sidewalk, on the escalator). Don’t stop to mess with your suitcase in the middle of a high-traffic area—move yourself off to one side. Walk briskly, or at least stay out of the way. Gawking is fine, as long as you’re not holding up traffic. Don’t stand in the doorway—get in or get out.
Be good to each other
I have a theory that travel makes everything a little bit better and a little bit worse. The right bite of a baguette as you walk out of a Paris boulangerie at 7 in the morning could be just about the best thing you’ve ever tasted. Missing the last train of the night to Venice could feel like a total disaster. The heightened experience of being someplace different, mixed with uncertainty, a foreign language, and jet lag, makes us especially sensitive and vulnerable. If you can remember this, and remember that your travel companion is feeling the same way, you can modulate the negative effect to some degree and bring patience into your interactions with each other.
Simone is a kick-ass travel companion, because she has intuitively taken on the best habits of a successful citizen of the world. I’ve also had brilliant, life-changing, fall-in-love trips with near-strangers, and disastrous weekends with girlfriends.
Respect comes into play here, as well. My weekend trip to Hong Kong a few years ago could have been a disaster. My friend was more interested in getting pampered at the hotel than in experiencing what the city had to offer. I stayed out late each night eating my way through neighborhoods and wandering the outdoor markets without her. We had some occasional moments of tension on the days when she wouldn’t eat, or when I wanted to walk another block or two (or five), but we learned a lot about each other along the way (including the fact that we were not compatible travel companions).
I’m not saying that my desire for adventure and unique eating experiences is the only correct way to travel. But I am saying that finding someone who has travel rhythms and priorities that work with yours is essential to a fulfilling experience.
Really, though, these three rules can be distilled down to one simple mandate, and it goes for everyone.
Be gracious.
If you're gracious to the people who are paid to serve you, they'll do a better job. If you're gracious to the cultural norms of the country you're visiting, you'll have a deeper, more satisfying experience. If you're gracious to your travel companions, you'll get along better. And if you're gracious to yourself, recognizing your own quirks and misperceptions, the whole world will open up to you.
Well said Mr Handsome! :)
Posted by: Nimi Kurian | January 05, 2015 at 11:58 PM